Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
