I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You were trust falling into bushes
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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