Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
