Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Is Oprah even human
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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