There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
