So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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