We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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