So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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