we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
