dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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