I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
