i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
