I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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