He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
