Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Randomize
