Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
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