He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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