And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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