i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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