Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
