I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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