Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
