I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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