apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
