I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
