U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
