you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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