Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
