Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
