Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
