so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I FOUND THE LEGS
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
