I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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