Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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