K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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