I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
