my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
