like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
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