So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
