You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
