i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
