if only i could text you this smell
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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