he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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