There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Rumble strips road head = magical
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
