if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize