I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We are all done wearing pants today
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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