would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
