I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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