the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
3pm strippers are depressing
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize