So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
