im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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