I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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