If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
