i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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