During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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