if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
