Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
