That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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