we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
