she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
