bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
