operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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