sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
