my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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