I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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