I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
