I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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