My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
