I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
