I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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