i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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