so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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