glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize