There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
