I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
