I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
