ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
