Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
