I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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