i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this just has baby written all over it
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
